Better Ingredients, Better Bullshit

Another election season, another reminder to assume a position of hypervigilance when being exposed to mass media outlets… your subconscious is not safe, and behind every seemingly harmless commercial and plug and jingle and baby formula ad lies a bill counting machine sorting out another stack. There are the obvious incursions on our ‘political ideology’ (talk about an irrelevant term), the campaign ads and the pundits bantering over each candidate’s bowel movements, but I came across an incredibly well camouflaged and sinister advertisement last night that I have since felt morally obliged to bring to you, my kind reader’s attention.

Between rounds of NFL “experts” discussing the upcoming week’s matchups, I caught a 30 second ad (presumably their newest one, since it is conveniently unavailable online) from America’s least important pizza chain, Papa John’s. I never have been a fan of the Papa (despite all the rumors of objectivity, journalistic bias does exist), but this is not a polemic against their ingredients or crust recipes. There was a single line of their commercial that struck me…not the 7.99 deal and how they should be charging double… rather their opener of “The economy is still recovering, so over here at Papa John’s…” at first it appears harmless, hell everyone is talking about the economy (by talking I mean pandering meaningless opinions over a subject far more complicated than their GED would allow them to comprehend)…but during an election year where the primary issue is the economy, during prime television hours on a major network, the agenda began to stink.

One of the main talking points of the GOP the last couple of weeks has been making a case that we are not better off than we were four years ago, that the economy is still down and out and we need Mitt to dig us out… “The economy is still recovering”… I did some research on John Shattner, the founder of the 4,000 restaurant chain (the advancement of fast food, a noble business venture), and here’s what I came across:

-Shattner was born in Jeffersonville, IN (the southern tip of God’s country) which also happens to be the birthplace of William Branham, the evangelical Christian leader/prophet/messenger of the Lord’s wrath who became famous for having a picture of a halo appear above his head during a lecture in Texas… so yeah, there’s angels running around Johnny Boy’s home town telling locals “Do not fear. I am sent from the presence of the Almighty God to tell you that your peculiar birth and misunderstood life has been to indicate that you are to take a gift of Divine healing to the peoples of the world”…all according to God’s will, the meatball and pepperoni pizza…

-John has been getting vocal this election season. In August he chastised the current administration and warned customers of the price increases that would occur as a DIRECT RESULT of health care policy change…”We’re not supportive of Obamacare, like most businesses in our industry. If Obamacare is in fact not repealed, we will find tactics to shallow out any Obamacare costs and core strategies to pass that cost onto consumers in order to protect our shareholders’ best interests”…he went on to claim his pizzas would cost an additional 14 cents if the bill was not repealed, even though Papa John’s insures only 2/3 of its employees and in no way would be forced to provide new insurance for every employee under the new mandate (they are a franchise business, as long as a franchise owner does not employ more than 50 people, he or she will not have to pay for employee health insurance)…hmm?

-Just to seal the deal, the Papa hosted a private fundraiser for the Romney’s in April in his estate manor just outside of Louisville… $1000 to have a 2×2 foot plot of space for the outdoor reception, $2500 for a picture with Mitty…listen to the first minute of the video, and you’ll see what kind of good-ol-boy gala this was…… yea, holy shit… don’t forget these Bushwood members want to take over the world, you can bet your ass on it.

The jury is out…no place is safe to hide from the NeoCon agenda, especially television. They are fighting for your mind, to plant seeds of illusion in your head… they NEED you to believe their special message from the angels, so we all can be saved and America can go back to being the idyllic Christian nation of the 1950’s…mom cooking dinner in her 5,000 square foot kitchen, dad sending his capital gains offshore while he smokes a cigar on the veranda… their blend of religious and capitalist dogma is real, and if you give them the chance, they will send you into the fiery lake to be cleansed.

Turn off your fucking televisions and join in the battle. At least order your late-night-munchy-craving za from Domino’s…


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