Charlie Brown and the Great Pigskin

Week 1…waxing gibbous premonitions, birdsigns, internet feeds and sports column after sports column…a repository of inklings and tickles and gut intuition…the ingredients all boil and stew and fester on… training camp updates back to those tough beats last season…Opening Sunday should be met with an air of respect, almost awe…not a Sunday hangover, scrambling to find a computer (thank you local library for turning off your gambling site security settings), out of cigarettes, lopsided from the night before, not quite convinced Peyton would be Peyton ((holy fuck he is still good)) and quite convinced in Drew Brees’ ability to Holy Sunday another resurrection for New Orleans ((despite not having researched the shitass conglomerate that identifies itself as the Saints’ defense))…hungover and erratic. The bets were in.

The Bears have been hitting for me…7/8 last year, 1/1 so far this year…I know its dangerous riding the emotion of home team loyalty as a handicapper but fuck it…when its good its good. What wasnt good was the offense’s first series +1, sacks and penalties and an interception… the Chicago media has brushed off Dwight Freeny’s injury, but it will be safe to say I will not be betting on our O-Line against Green Bay Thursday… after Jay’s pick 6 I was ready to switch from my usual dose of alpha-grade pharmecuetical speed to some highly suspicious East Indian analgesics, opium gummies and dream states…after Timmy Jenning’s second pic it became clear that beer was all my brain-box receptors would need to make it to the 3PM game.

Then I relearned a lesson I had unlearned during SuperBowl 44…don’t bet against Peyton. Doubts on his recovery, talks surrounding his ability to perform at the same level, Denver’s ‘nothing to write home about’ receiving corps… the four time MVP has been soaking in the negative energy ever since his neck injury…and Sunday Night’s clinic proved to me one thing: his ability to read a game and orchestrate an offense is UNPARRALELLED. Seriously, not seeing this guy last year, how quickly I forgot the savant-like nature of his abilities… he eliminated Polamalu from the game, broke down each pre-snap into a simple Yes/No checklist and countered the defense’s blitz packages and shadow formations because he knew exactly what they were doing before they did.

It was interesting to see how the other ‘elite’ (fuck you very little John Clayton) quarterbacks performed… Breeze and Rogers and Big United Colors of BENington Suck Dick all, well, sucked dick in the 2 minute drill. Peyton and Brady (who took a trap game and turned it into a wasteland…why I got scared into believing Belicheck would ride some ‘coming off a loss in the Superbowl equals opening loss next regular season’ trend is beyond me…fucking embarassed…I knew him and Rex Ryan would be after blood Week 1…at least I got the Jets and the Falcons.

Being a good handicapper is about managing the public perception of teams as much as it is evaluating their actual talent levels… the Jets were supposed to be shit, the 9er’s have been guaranteed by the Pythagorean theorem to underperform, Cam Newton was supposed to go 16-0 and crack every spread until Christmas just like last year… you have to figure out what sacraments Vegas wants their average better to ‘believe’ in…you have to hold true to boys like Brady and PManning and systems involving divisional strength and ATS ability… the game inside the game inside the game.

Tonight Al Davis is my totem and the Raiders will beat a Chargers team that Normal Turner hasn’t been able to get ready to play until November the past 3 years…pray for trends, pray for the perennial losers to lose and the perennial criminals to commit crimes… Ravens-Cinci is too close of a rivalry and their last game I put coin on was a 31-24  +7 push, to my weary delight… tight times in the AFC North, and Dalton is a tricky bastard. Flacco is a simple dego. You do the math.


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