An example of my complete inability to be an adult…honest thoughts…why the fuck would I want to? To work with her? Dilemmas…Life. Pot.

Mike –

 Per our meeting on today regards to your constant absenteeism and tardiness you have agreed to switch your start time from 8:30am to 9:00am.  If this problem continues to occur I will have no other choice but to terminate you.  I believe you have great potential but you hold the “key” to your destiny.

Again It’s extremely important for you to be present and on time on a daily basis in order to be successful in your role.

 Thank you


(for our reader’s benefit: I’ve been stoned and drinking tequilla all day today, I’ve come late into work at 9:15 the past month and a half (with an official 8AM start time, unlike this official note indicates), not sober, and now finally after a team meeting with a bunch of 54 Mondays complaining about my tardiness (think: fat, lazy, ugly, unhappy…all the words our forefathers founded this country against) I had another shit-face’d afternoon-drunk’d meeting today with this e-mail message to boot, everything attempting further and further to scare me into the burrows of corporate America’s safety… all I can say is my “key” is shaped like a cock and could fit quite nicely into Kimberley’s mouth)


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