Saturnalian Moons Spin Round&Round…Kepler 22B is Jesus’ new hangout…why mainstream news will forever be mainstream garbage

Kepler 22b is 600 light years away and ready for action. This ball is twice as fat as our Earth, which means New York and LA and Vegas and Chicago are twice as big…pray the jails are the same size and the salesman talk half as much. The science sharps(-ologists) say there’s probably water on the surface, which means ice, which means booze, but they refuse to offer further information about possible life forms consuming it. Hopefully the place is just waiting for our occupancy, glasses perched on coasters, right before the Sun burns up our current biosphere in a couple million years…the travel brochures could be written in crayon and they’d still outkill the Bellagio on fight night… 290 days a year (I heard they just aced out winter), all new stars in the sky, a plethora of exotic dope to discover…where do I sign up?

 So I’m hopeful and reading on and maybe things aren’t so bad now that we have Kepler22B to fall back on…hell it even sounds like an audible on the line of scrimmage, 4th and Earth…but then I find Jesus in the headlines …whether you are reading a physical paper or your webpage newsfeed, beware the journalistic invocation of Jesus. Whether you want to believe or not, journalism classes in college do not come with licensure to extrapolate the beliefs and priorities of a 1st century Jesus into a 21st century America…just like in all matters, print or otherwise, when well dressed people start speaking for the Spirit in the Sky, it is time to run and run like hell. Mao claimed Jesus would’ve burned books… Castro raped women in His name…its fashionable for villains to fall back on some Manifest Destiny pseudo apocalyptic jargon.

 In this full-monty hypocrisy of a society, your greatest enemies will claim the side of your greatest allies…there is a good God out there, but he is not casting votes for Michelle Bachmann…no no no. And now, because some Bank of Americ- funded pastor with a blog roll, I have to read about how Jesus wouldn’t have occupied Wall St. His reasoning: the free market is inherently moral and pure and rewards hard work and is referenced in the bible, with scripture verses as end notes. The Bible as an authoritative source re: our current capitalistic meltdown??? Really??? Fucking really CNN???

I wonder if Jesus would refuse to occupy if Wall St. were on Kepler 22B? If their Wall St. was a gaggle of illegal immigrants and dope peddling single mothers and tax evading collegiate drop-outs, I wonder if Jesus would still support the free marketers then…something tells me their temple flag would rip lengthwise like the knife of a serial rapist tearing open a sorority house screen door.

 But I couldn’t tell you in absolute certainty because I didn’t take their crystal ball classes on journalism, so make sure you listen to them, the real authority, before you run out of air to breath to the pot smoking liberals.

 Remember the Alamo,

HDW

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