Winter Omens

So LT and the squad with the most from the coast took down Generous Jeff and the wonder-struck Titans by much more than a field goal, but the over was a good pick and so was San Diego. Money in my pocket, and the constant search for 2 out of 3 winners continues. Happinness reigns supreme (momentarily).It is said by a famous fleecer, whose name I won’t mention but whose spirit I will forever bask in, that 2 out of 3 is the magic number for any sort of consistent gambler, and if such a lifetime average cannot be maintained, then you’d probably switch your hobbies to flying kites and vintage lesbian porn. A fleecer is one who shears, and this advice has probably been the third or fourth serious tip on life I have committed to memory and intend to follow. Don’t ask me for the other two.

Well a few more days and it’ll be a fresh decade for our modern homo sapiens, and I for one am crossing my fingers and hoping we can get our shit together as a species or else not too many more decades are going to be celebrated, or endured. Every one has seen the already infamous Time headline, “The Decade from Hell,” a clever play on an obvious concern that any literate human being who gives a half piece of shit about their environment has about things getting pretty grim, and honestly my lovely readers I am not impressed. Doom and gloom is an easy sell (see Pam An’s tits and quarter beers at a NFL football game), so it makes sense as to why Richard Stengel wants to crowd limited prime-real-estate news space with fantastic acts of desperation and abominable displays of man’s degradation of natural reason and universal inter-connectivity. Sometimes stark, bitter reality is the best medicine for a dying man, but at this point I think as a race we are in the Hospice and only ought to be entertained by deep red wines and succulent teenage lips, ahoy!

Despite the current nausea of dysfunction in almost every sector of society, my heart is warmed by two things: football and a certain celestial sign I received tonight breathing in the gentle smoke of a Marlboro Red. An arrangement of stars caught my attention in the southern sky above the roof of my sketchy neighbors house (I think my line of sight pointed that way because I often like to search through the windows and look for signs of illicit behavior that I can use for blackmail or friendship, more to come…); their shape was very distinct and I immediately took my eyes in the direction the arrow formed by these billion year old balls of gas pointed at. It was a mid-line moon in the western sky, beautiful and glowing in the brisk winter night. The snow’s reflection brought memories of an exstacy experience, and I felt connected with the heavens for a second. Halleluia!

Today is the eve before football day. Sunday has become glorious, I deeply love my new religious devotion to the NFL and FOX TV…God I never thought I would think such a thing, but honesty is how man grows. This means the picks are in my compadres: stack the money and I’ll get the ice and the glasses so we can play some ball.

1) Houston -1 @ Miami 45.5: A risky game to start off with, but I like Miami taking this one down in the under. It seems like a strong bet for me, and I like the new Miami feel this year with Williams back in good form and a linebacker crew looking fit to knock skulls and suck marrow. I think this is going to be a fun game to watch with the high flying Houston offense grappling with a clock eating Miami run game, but I think that intangible combined with the onslaught of Bell, Porter, and Taylor will give the Dolphins the edge in a game under 45 points.

2) Baltimore @ Pittsburgh -3 42.5: Polamalu out means Steelers defense is moderate at best and Ravens offense has a good shot to gain yards. Look for Ravens to upset, but don’t give the Steelers a point at home, despite any clear obvious halftime margins. Both offenses are about even statistically, and Big Ben does have the ability to put together shocking 2:00 drives, real heart wrenchers. The Ravens have a top five defense, and so betting the D I think the men in deep purple will be royalty tomorrow with the under in cold Pittsburgh weather.

3)Oakland @ Cleveland -3 32.5: I have been on a Raiders friendly as of late, and that mixed with the fact I can’t figure this game out makes it a make or breaker this week. Oakland’s offense is anemic, don’t get me wrong. But Cleveland, come on, their defense gives Oakland a once in a lifetime shot at a defense worse than their own. After beating the Broncos and the Steelers in two out of their last three (66.6%), they have proven of late that they can win against decent teams, and Cleveland is that at best. I like Oakland Shockers (see all of Raider Nation making said hand gesture) in the over with some gunslinging second rate quarterbacks going over third rate defenses.

4) Jacksonville @ New England -10 43.5: New England, December, Bill Belicheck, Patriots offense, playoff standings looming. I like New England, but I don’t know if their hit or miss offense will cover the spread and the over. I got excited on this game given the circumstances when I first saw it, but now I am concerned and think New England won’t cover the spread and the Jags will give them the game. So there it is, I have learned in betting to take caution when a gut feeling is over ridden by a more reasonable examination of the situation. I think the Pats win, but the spread is busted and the score is in the under with some rainy weather. Heed nature’s signs my friends.

5) Denver @ Phildelphia -7 41.5: Westbrook is back, and the Eagles offense has looked impressive in previous weeks and is storming on a 5 game win streak. I think this is my utter ball buster of the week pick. I absolutely despise Kyle Orton and think  his early season success in Denver was quite Grossman-esque, and I would hate nothing more than to see the useless Broncos make another useless attempt at the playoffs. I like Philly big, and the Broncos are big losers when the December chills come swooping, so I’ll be taking the Eagles with the over.

6) Jets @ Indy -4 40.5- Vegas is trying to incite some bets, and they can have mine. Colts in the under, win some easy money with at least a late game touchdown winning rally by Sir Peyton himself. The Jets have a strong defense, but the Colts definitely have it in them to put together an undefeated season and take this game by more than a field goal. However, it might be a grindhouse, so take the under to make as much coin as possible.

7)Carolina @ New York -9 42.5: I think the Giants defense makes its presence known on an up and coming Carolina quarterback, but Matt Moore’s QB rating has been rising steadily and I think Carolina keeps the game close and comes out with a victory. I have a lot of issues with this particular game and QB this week (I don’t like putting both NY teams down in games that could seem like easy bets), and the 6-8 v 8-6 reminds me of the 5 v 12 game in the March brackets. I like the Panthers, who look thirsty to finish strong in December in the over with offensive minded QBs taking looks downfield at both Smith recievers.

Seven is certainly my lucky number tonight, and I will have sweet dreams of victory and jungle love. Sleep well dear passengers, tomorrow we land at our dear home town on a fine Sunday.


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